Tales from the crypt…er…I mean, work

I’m stuck down in the dungeon all day…no windows…stuck in a corner. Yeah, that’s my workspace (hence, the crypt).     

My job can sometimes be quite entertaining, especially when the docs don’t make any sense at all. For example: Doc dictates, “Height 653 pounds.” HUH??? Did I miss something? I listened to it again. Yep.  He said “Height 653 pounds.” Okay….I listened on…he then said, “BMI over 40.” Uh, yeah…for his BMI to be “over 40” he’d have to be around 8 feet tall. Any shorter and his BMI would be over 50 or over 60, etc. Then, then, the doc says, “The patient is wearing shorts and a tank-top, athletic…” What! Athletic! Since when is 653 pounds athletic? I guess the clothes really do make the man.

Or how about, “There is a court date pending June 1st, June 25th, and July 6th at 8 a.m.” Well, this would be fine and dandy and all if the patient hadn’t been seen on June 14th.  How in the hell does someone have a court date pending after the fact? Maybe this person has a time machine. Or…maybe, we’re in some type of time continuum and we’re from the future!

Even better yet, “The paient was given instructions to discontinue the medication to off by June 14th on June 15th.” Again, the patient was seen on June 14th. I didn’t even try to figure out what he meant by that.

This one had me laughing: “This is Dr. ____ dictating on _______…wait. I think I already dictated this one (he had, an hour earlier). It doesn’t seem like it though, but I think I did…I think…hmmm…I think I did…okay. Bye.

And finally, I busted out laughing after he finished one of his dictations. Right before he hung up, he started humming…do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do…in the Batman theme song! I fully expected him to say “Batman,” under his breath,  but, alas, he ended the dictation before he got to that point. I bet he still said it, though.


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